Daily Poll/Archive/May 2009
May 29, 2009, Poll #2 The Wikipedia Supreme Court ruled that $cientology should be banned from editing the online encyclopedia. What other punishments should Co$ suffer at the hands of Wikipedia? all $cientology pages should reflect truthiness only members of Anonymous should be allowed to edit them Tom Cruise should donate an unspecified amount to the charity of Wikip*dia's choice every month in perpetuity Tom Cruise should be locked in a room with Jimmy Wales Wikipedia has a supreme court? May 29, 2009, Poll #1 Using The Twitter, The Greatest Maveratrix Ever disclosed Where In The World And Where In Time Is Stephen Colbert Going To Be In The Persian Gulf?! Dr. Colbert was instructed by The Pentagon not to divulge that sensitive intelligence. How should Dr. Colbert punish Mrs. Todd Plain? he should put her On Notice he should receive one of her daughters as payment for this breach of security she should be forced to be interviewed with Jane Fonda on her lap Dr. Colbert shouldn't punish her, the Pentagon should punish her she should not be punished, the rule should be changed to reflect the new reality and President Hussein Obama should resign for suggesting otherwise May 27, 2009 President Hussein Obama selected Maria Sotomayor to be his nominee to replace recently retired Supreme Court justice David Souter. Currently, she is on the Second Circuit Court of Appeals. Here is a brief overview (from the liberal media) of her life thus far: She was born in 1954 in multi-ethnic New York City and raised Catholic by her Puerto Rican immigrant parents. At age eight, she was diagnosed with Type I diabetes. She was raised by their mother in a housing project. Her father died when she was 9 years old. She graduated summa cum laude from Princeton and earned a law degree from Harvard. She was once married, but divorced in 1983. She never remarried and has no children. Obviously she is not qualified to hold the job that was denied to Harriet Miers. There are so many things wrong with her, it's hard to know where to start. Which question should Senate Republicans ask to determine whether Sotomayor deserves to be on America's Supremest Court Ever? Can we see your birth certificate? Wouldn't you rather marry a judge than be one? Are you not married because you hate men? Do you see yourself as an East Coast elitist, reverse racist who benefited from affirmative action or a socialist-quoting anti-capitalist? What other jobs have you taken from Real Americans who didn't want to do them? May 26, 2009 Today California's state Supreme Court upheld Proposition 8, the ballot initiative that ended the Satanic practice of gay marriage in the state. But, 18,000 couples have already been gay married. What should happen to the 18,000 already married gay couples? they should all be forcibly transported to Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, New Jersey, New Hampshire, Maine or D.C. they should all be forcibly gay divorced they should all be forcibly converted to Mormonism they should all be arrested and confined to Manzanar; it's not being used right now May 22, 2009 President Hussein Obama refused several schoolchildren on a field trip entry into the White House claiming they were "late" (whatever that means). What excuse was used to appease the liberal media? the Pittsubrgh Steelers won a championship; the school couldn't plan a field trip Duh, it was prayer time at the White House mosque the plane carrying Hussein Obama's social secretary had to make an emergency landing outside Chicago he didn't have to provide the liberal media with an excuse; they just make up crap for him May 21, 2009 The Greatest Vice President Ever wants to keep the only prison capable of keeping America safe--Gitmo--open, but Hussein Obama wants to close it down. Obviously Dick Cheney is right and Hussein Obama is wrong. So, why does President Hussein Obama want to shut Gitmo down? he knows first-hand how hard it is to pray facing Mecca when you've been in a stress position all day he wants to be reunited with long lost family members he has drunk the liberal kool-aid and doesn't know how to keep America safe he has no financial stake in Gitmo and is jealous of those who do May 20, 2009 America's Party will announce an alternative to President Hussein Obama's healthcare plan. It is expected to be just as good, if not better than, their Republican Road To Recovery! What will the GOP's healthcare proposal include? tax cuts a clause requiring abstinence a clause prohibiting homosexuality a clause providing tax cuts to insurance companies May 19, 2009 President Hussein Obama is planning on closing Gitmo. Some brave politicians have opposed this plan warning that Hussein Obama wants to move the terrorists inside America's Borders. Where will President Hussein Obama move all of Al Qaeda's most dangerous terrorists once Gitmo is closed? into America's city jails onto America's reality TV shows into every Christian family's home where ever Nancy Pelosi tells him to move them May 18, 2009 Gentleman's Quarterly magazine reports that when he was Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld used quotes from The Bible in briefings to The Greatest President Ever. Why are liberals complaining about this? they hate The Baby Jesus they hate Donald Rumsfeld they hate The Greatest President Ever they hate policies that work no reason; they complain about everything May 15, 2009 Scientists discovered an ivory carving in Germany that dates between 30- and 40,000 years ago. But, The Bible says America's Planet is no more than 6,000 years old. What does this "discovery" mean? it means a tribe of Neanderthals in Germany were chubby chasers it means that in addition to hiding dinosaur bones, Satan also hid his porn stash I'm not sure, but I know the Nazis are behind it it doesn't mean anything; it's just more proof that scientists hate The Bible May 14, 2009, Poll #2 Today Satan's Handmaiden said the CIA lied to her! The CIA says they did brief her on using waterboarding on America's enemies and she lies and says they didn't tell her everything about all their sensitive National Security plans throughout the world (like she even needs to know all their business). So, who do you believe? The fine, upstanding agents of the CIA who put their lives on the line to protect America's freedoms Satan's Handmaiden, who lies everyday to eat the souls of innocent Christian children May 14, 2009, Poll #1 During last night's Report, Dr. Colbert discussed the newest sin tax, a tax on sodahttp://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/opinionshop/detail?&entry_id=40092. To illustrate the folly of this liberal abomination, he asked the one question the liberal media is not asking ... Is it bad when your urine comes out carbonated? Yes No Define "bad" May 13, 2009 Today is Dr. Colbert's birthday. How will you spend the day? Call in sick for work/school, spend the day getting to better know my Captain's log. Go to work/school but, spend the day trying to figure out those damn clues for Stephen's Persian Gulf trip. Maxing out my credit cards to help the economy. Driving around my town trying to figure out what else can be renamed for Stephen. Throwing Bibles at gays. May 12, 2009 Yesterday, President Hussein Obama fired General David McKiernan, the commander of allied forces in Afghanistan, citing a: :"lack of bold, new operational plans" What are Hussein Obama's "bold, new operational plans" for Afghanistan? Instead of opium, the cash crop will be crack. Instead of bombing Afghanistan the way the Soviets did, Hussein Obama will bomb Afghanistan the American way! The NEW plan? Look for Osama bin Laden. The U.S. really will drop pork products from planes. He will send in John McCain so he can finally implement his secret plan to capture Osama bin Laden. He will send in a battalion of community organizers. What is this CNN? May 8, 2009 All-American golf analyst David Feherty recently described how he would deal with terrorists should he meet with any in an elevator. Obviously, Feherty's solution is the only practical one. What would a liberal do in the same situation? shoot Pelosi twice, then have gay sex with Reid and bin Laden no one would get shot because while having gay sex with Reid and bin Laden someone would have to do everyone's hair give state secrets to bin Laden while watching Pelosi and Reid have gay sex declare bin Laden an endangered species, give Pelosi and Reid bailouts, gay marry the elevator, then have gay sex with it surrender May 6, 2009 When Arlen Specter left America's Party for Satan's Party, he did so with the understanding that he could keep all his committee seniorities. However, today's news proves again that Harry Reid is not a man of his word. Now, Specter is being forced to "toe the line" and await judgment come 2010. What do Democrats want Specter to do to earn back his Seniority and committee chairmanships? they want him to change his middle name to "Hussein" they want him to vote for all their socialist programs they want him to be "Better Known" on The Colbert Report they want him to stop paying his taxes and buy a high-priced Manhattan call-girl they want him to tongue kiss Al Franken live on C-SPAN May 5, 2009 President Hussein Obama announced his new plan to hinder America's standing in the global economy. Currently, only business leaders are protesting this affront. How can Regular Americans help fight the latest push toward Socialism? throw another Tea Party throw more Bibles at the gays seal the border with Mexico Regular Americans should join Joe The Plumber and stop paying their taxes! pray louder May 4, 2009 On Saturday, Jeb Bush, Eric Cantor and Mitt Romney held a pizza party to restart the GOP. (See National Council for a New America) Now that it's Monday, how do you rate the new GOP? Great political party Greatest political party That's-a spicy meatball-a! I can't believe we'll eat the whole thing May 1, 2009 Yesterday the Hobbit of the Supreme Court announced his retirement. That means President Hussein Obama will get to pick his replacement! Who should Hussein Obama pick to be on America's Supremest Court? Ann Coulter Alan Keyes Harriet Miers Jeb Bush Sarah Palin Follow Up ---- Who WILL Hussein Obama pick to be on America's Supremest Court? his wife a bear a gay bear Chelsea Clinton Al Sharpton or that crazy black preacher of his, Reverend Wright